So I’ve left college, learned to make sauces from scratch, display lobsters, stuff eggs and make cucumber look exciting. I also took extra classes in professional cake decoration and pastry work to be a smart-ass.
Now what? Find a job? Eeeeeek!! Time for the real world. I got a feel for the real world whilst serving food in a small cafe in town. It was just sandwiches, jacket potatoes and toasties but gave me a master class in how to treat customers. Customers that spoke to you like crap and thought it generous to leave a 5 pence tip. A please or thank you would have been enough!! But no, “just a  froffy coffee” “2 white sugars” they’d yell, as they sat on the only dirty table in the place. “Sugars on the f’#!*in’ table you moron” I’d say in my head for the fiftieth time that day. It was here that I would be shown how to use a ‘froffy coffee machine’ , the ‘correct’ way to vacuum and how to accidentally flip the closed sign over 15 minutes to closing.
I soon left and started working full time in a bakery. The ‘hand-finished’ cream cakes were bought in and ‘finished’ with a dust of icing sugar or blob of cream. The dough mixes were all ready in large bags and just water was added. One thing that was made on site was the rich fruit slab cakes. They were always popular at Christmas but expensive to make. I know this as I burnt a large batch of them once. Technically not my fault as I left them in the oven for the night bakers to take out. I’ll never forget them piled up on my section, burnt to a bloody crisp, with a note attached saying ‘see me‘. Needless to say I was transferred to the staff canteen. More ungrateful folk turning their noses up at my offerings. (I must have put quiche on at some stage). I quickly realised that this isn’t what I wanted to do and got a job stacking shelves.
There were a couple of pub kitchen jobs in between but mainly consisted of microwaving plastic containers and preparing ice cream sundaes. I did, however learn how to make a swan out of kitchen foil and a white tablecloth.
It's a chef's life! 